The Best Movies That Made Less Than $1 Million

Down to the Bone
Release date: November 25, 2005
Total gross: $30,241

 Vera Farmiga—nominated for an Oscar this year for Up in the Air—made a hell of a first impression in Down to the Bone. And it was a doozy. Farmiga plays Irene, a mother and supermarket cashier who checks herself into rehab for cocaine abuse. Farmiga manages to avoid every addiction cliché. If you thought Anne Hathaway was keeping it real in Rachel Getting Married, Down to the Bone will recalibrate your gauge for hardcore.




Big Fan
Release date: August 28, 2009
Total gross: $233,908

Funnyman Patton Oswalt takes a break from the belly laughs to play a sad, 35-year-old New York Giants fan who lives with his mother and still sleeps under posters of his favorite athletes. The film delivers the kind of lived-in pathos that indies so often strive for, but usually miss. Though that shouldn't be a surprise: Big Fan was written and directed by Robert D. Siegel—who also wrote The Wrestler. Same palette. Different sport.


Brothers of the Head
Release date: July 28, 2006
Total gross: $45,082

Ever hear about the conjoined twins from the UK who formed an influential punk band in the 70s? That's the arc of this fake documentary, which barely lets on that it's fiction while it grabs hold of you. It's a freak show that rocks. Hard.


Humpday
Release date: July 10, 2009
Total gross: $407,377

Humpday is the thinking's man bromance. Mark Duplass (FX's The League) and Joshua Leonard play two straight males who contemplate making a gay porn together, and would rather go through with it than be the one to wimp out. Humpday is part of the mumblecore genre (a ghetto of low-budget films) which may explain why it made $71 million less than its spiritual cousin, I Love You, Man. But no doubt: This was 2009's smartest movie about male behavior.



Great World of Sound
Release date: September 14, 2007
Total gross: $22,011

A young man thinks he's training to be a record producer. Actually, he's an unwitting part of a scam: He auditions would-be singers in small towns and charges them a heap of cash (prices set by his corporate office) to record their demo before moving on. The film is like a deranged American Idol tour, playing off our need for public validation. If the aspiring musicians in Great World of Sound seem particularly desperate, that's because they're real aspiring musicians. Blurring the line between fiction and reality, director Craig Zobel didn't tell the participants he was making a film (or that they were auditioning their music for actors) until he'd finished shooting. Their disappointment is pitch perfect. And so is the result.

How to Make an Absolutely Correct Cappuccino

AMERICANS MAKE SUCH bad cappuccinos, most of us don't even know from a good one. We foam the milk till it's hellishly frothy. We shower the cup with cinnamon. Nicolas O'Connell and his bosses at Philadelphia's La Colombe Torrefaction want to right our wrongs. When they are not running their coffee shop, they visit the country's best restaurants, schooling the staffs in how to properly handle an espresso machine. When you oversteam the milk, explains O'Connell, you get big "shampoo-like bubbles." When you overheat the milk, you get a smell like "aged goat cheese." You do not want shampoo or goat cheese in your cappuccino.

Step 1
Insert a steam-wand tip one-half inch into a small metal pitcher of cold milk. As the milk foams, lower the pitcher at the same rate the milk rises. No bobbing up and down.
Step 2
The correct milk temperature is 148 to 155 degrees. If you are not using a thermometer, you know the temperature is right when the little metal pitcher feels to your touch like, in the words of La Colombe cofounder Todd Carmichael, "approximately the temperature of a car hood in the summer heat: hot, but not burning hot."
Step 3
Make espresso.
Step 4
Now the secret: "Nobody does it except us and the people we train," says O'Connell. "Let the foamy milk settle for about fifteen seconds. Then it's crucial to swirl the container for a few seconds, until the foam and milk are incorporated. It's ready when the surface of the milk becomes shiny. Pour the milk on top of the espresso without using a spoon. If you make cappuccino with a spoon, you can't be a barrista at La Colombe."

Become a 21st-Century Gentleman

Embrace the Pocket Square

So you've got on a perfectly tailored blazer and your current favorite tie. Guess what? So does the next guy. Try distinguishing yourself the way elegant dressers like Clooney and Kanye do—with a pocket square. Choose a cotton, linen, or silk one and arrange it according to your comfort level. Here are your options.

Simple
Fold a white handkerchief in quarters and slip it into your breast pocket, folded-side down. It should stick out about half an inch.
Bold
Tuck in a square with textured trim or colored piping, folded-side down. Let the layers fan out and open up a bit (but still keep the exposed area to half an inch).
Dandyish
Try Glenn O'Brien's breezy approach and allow an unfolded handkerchief to burst out of your pocket bouquet-style. In the words of GQ's Style Guy himself, "Grab it in the middle, hold it upside down, then wrap your hand around it and cram it in the pocket. Arrange slightly."




Learn to Form a Tie Dimple

If you're wearing a skinny tie, just knot up. But if you're opting for a wide one—preferably in a solid color or micro pattern—add a little evening-news-anchor sophistication (Brian Williams, not Wolf Blitzer) with a dimple. Here's how.
1. Tie your tie as you normally would, but before tightening it, press your finger into the fabric just below the knot.
2. Keeping your finger flat, slowly tighten the knot, leaving a deep dimple in the center about half an inch deep and an inch long. Practice makes perfect.



Find a Signature Scent
Scent Critic Chandler Burr Explains

Should the twenty-first-century gentleman have a signature fragrance? There's the obvious argument against it: If you have to limit yourself to one, how can you decide between Terre d'Hermès, Fresh Cannabis Santal, or Comme des Garçons 2? But on the flip side, if you have an everyday scent, people will start to register you invisibly—and more important, remember you. The fragrance itself is the starting point, of course. Your potential olfactory fingerprint should be something you feel comfortable in and something that gets you a positive reaction. Get a couple of samples and test-drive them for a day; the right one will make people enjoy just being near you—and you should get comments to that effect. Try Rêve en Cuir by Scent Bar for niche elegance, Monsieur de Givenchy for retro greatness, or Thierry Mugler's B*Men for hipster cool. Once you've settled on one, master the application. You want a single short spray on the top of each forearm, one on the neck, and one down the back of the shirt (before you button up, pull the collar back and aim downward). Play with the volume till you get it right, remembering that the scent should be neither suffocating nor undetectable. In time, you'll have your own invisible ID and—oh yeah—one less thing to think about



Get on Top—With the Right Coat

We all know a guy who walks into the office every day wearing an electric blue North Face jacket over his suit. Do not be that guy! Get yourself a three-quarter-length topcoat that hits just above the knee. (You don't want some billowy overcoat, or you'll look like Lawrence Taylor pacing the sidelines on a snowy sunday.) There should be just enough room in the shoulders to accommodate your suit. The coat should be cut slim and fall straight down along your legs, not fly out like a dress. And yes, if she's cold, you should still offer her your coat—no matter how liberated she is.



Keep 'Em Polished

Take care of your lace-ups, loafers, and boots and they'll take care of you. Here's how.

Clean
Start by removing dirt and old polish using shoe cream (try Meltonian), a rag, and a little bit of water. And scrape out the edges and the threads in the sole with a nailbrush.

Polish
Rub a little shoe wax into the leather with a rag. Match the color, or choose a neutral one if you just want the shine. (Tip: For a cool varnished look, try black polish on brown shoes.) After polishing, pass over each shoe with a soft brush, then buff with a clean, thin cloth to bring out the sparkle.

Wait
Ideally, let them dry overnight. And to get the most out of your hard work, store them with cedar trees in felt bags.

Wear
Ideally, you should repeat the process every three wears or so. And rub them gently with a cloth between polishes.



Hit the Links

Ever been to a wedding and noticed that some guys actually look sloppier when dressed up? The fact is, you can be dudded to the nines and still look a mess if you get the details wrong—namely, the hardware. For an upscale event, wear french cuffs secured with simple gold or silver cuff links. You don't need anything flashy or gimmicky. That you're wearing cuffs 'n' links at all is enough of a statement.




Upgrade Your Denim

Fact number one: There is something undeniably manly about having a favorite pair of jeans that you wear every day and never wash; it's that “middle finger to the world” je ne sais quoi that Martin Sheen pulls off to such great effect in Badlands while wearing a pair of Levi's that look like he was born in them. Fact number two: In that film, Martin Sheen doesn't put in a proper day's work at the office, go to a chichi new restaurant with his girlfriend's parents, or go to the symphony—all things you can now do in jeans. The point is, if you're going to wear denim to respectable places, that denim should look respectable. So instead of one or two pairs that you wear all the time, have a range in different cuts and at different stages of broken-in-ness. Wearing a tie and a suit jacket to the office or out to dinner? Nothing superskinny. No fading or fraying. No funky washes. They should be made of crisp, high-quality denim and be cut simply. Going downtown with the guys? A relatively broken-in pair is perfect, and you can get away with something on the clingier or baggier side. Running from John Law in the Great American netherworld? That's when to pull on your ripped-to-shit 501's and put pedal to metal.



Lose the Novelty Drawers

Your underpants shouldn't be funny. They shouldn't have jokes on them. They shouldn't have hearts, cigars, flying pigs, superhero logos, or anything else gag-related. They shouldn't have been "cool in college." (Dude, seriously: go through your drawers right now and throw half your underpants away. You'll feel better about yourself.) In a world gone casual, where there's hardly a venue outside of an arraignment hearing where a man can't wear jeans, the one thing that should always be elegant is your underwear. Even if you're the only person who's going to see it on that particular day. Plus, that way, if you get lucky, you won't have on the ratty ones that read "who farted?"



Stay Trimmed
L.A. Based hairstylist Chris McMillan explains

I get my hair cut at a black barbershop in L.A., and a lot of the customers there, who keep their hair really short, come once a week. You don't even notice it's cut; it always looks exactly the same. I love that. The lazy guy, he waits too long and gets comments from everyone in the office every time he finally goes in. So go more frequently. After about four weeks, your sideburns have grown out, anyway, and the back of your neck has started to get furry. Even if you keep your hair a bit longer in that Euro, Italian way, you still want your sideburns and neck cleaned up. And if you go for that more classic American look—shorter on the sides and longer on top—you can always throw gel or grease in to wrangle the top, but you can't wrangle the fur on the back of your neck. So here's what to do: Find yourself a barber you like. You'll build a relationship with him, and it becomes fun. Getting your hair cut becomes time to yourself. You put your BlackBerry down, your wife's not nagging you, there are no kids on your lap. It's just you, your barber, and your own head, cleaning house.




Stay Timeless

In a world of gadgety, gimmicky oversize watches, these understated, vintage-inspired timepieces prove that the twentieth century still has plenty to offer.

From Top Left:
Zenith, Class Elite New Vintage [1955]
Elite, indeed—only 250 of these watches are being sold. All of them in eighteen-karat rose gold. $16,200.

Ebel, Hexagon [1977]. It may be the baby of the group, but what this timepiece lacks in age it more than makes up for in personality. What other watch sports a power-reserve indicator? $4,800.

Tissot, Heritage 150th Anniversary [1946]
Based on a watch designed more than half a century prior, the Heritage 150 celebrates Tissot's sesquicentennial. Flip it over for a view of its jewel movement. $1,295.

IWC, Ingenieur Automatic: Vintage Collection [1955]
The Ingenieur marked IWC's introduction of automatic movement. Designers supersized the 1955 model's dial, increasing the diameter by a full five millimeters. $7,300.



Use Your Head

Maybe you've noticed that for the first time in decades, men are wearing hats, and maybe you want to get in on it. But will it be a fedora, a trilby, a porkpie, or a bowler? And are you going for that Sinatra vibe or more of a Timberlake thing? You've got a lot of options. Here's how to get your head around them.

A Bottle for Every Barrelhead

1. Pappy Van Winkle's Family Reserve 15 Years Old
This wheated bourbon delivers a long finish, with flavors like orange, vanilla, and toffee.



2. Blanton's Original Single Barrel
America's first single-barrel bourbon. It's full-bodied yet sweet and creamy. If you don't like this, you don't like whiskey.





3. George Dickel No. 8
A fuller Tennessee whiskey from the only distillery producing it besides Jack Daniel's.




4. Old Grand-Dad 114
Surprisingly smooth, given its potently high alcohol content. Carry it in a flask for cold nights.


5. (RI)1
Simply put, the smoothest rye around. Try it in a Manhattan and wonder why you've been drinking them with bourbon instead.



6. Clear Creek Distillery McCarthy's Single Malt
Proof of the diversity of American Whiskey: even though it's made in the shadow of Mt. Hood in Oregon, is reminiscent of an Islay-style Scotch.


7. Old Potrero Single Malt 18th Century Style Whiskey
This 100% rye whiskey from the Anchor Brewing Company in San Francisco is aged in toasted oak barrels as opposed to charred ones. It's rough but flavorful—best to cut it with a bit of water—very peppery, and the closest thing you can get these days to what George Washington probably drank.

What You Really Need to Know About American Whiskey

With new bars from Brooklyn to San Francisco devoting shelves and shelves to everything from Jack Daniel's to small-batch bourbons, it's never been easier to become acquainted with American Whiskey, The U.S. of A.'s most potent, ballsy, rip-roaring spirit.
For one thing, it's not just bourbon. There's rye, Tennessee, corn, and more recently, other, unofficial styles from microdistilleries cropping up everywhere from New York to Michigan to California. And although no one is saying scotch is crap (the Scots and Irish were the ones to bring whiskey to the States, after all), the American variety can be much more approachable—it's noticeably sweeter, not as smoky, and for the most part, less expensive. Generally, American whiskey is made up of a mixture of corn, rye, wheat, and barley (collectively referred to as the mash) and is aged in charred-oak barrels, but each variety has its own characteristics.

Bourbon

What scotch is to Scotland, bourbon is to the U.S.A. It's produced mostly in Kentucky, although it can come from any state as long as it's a minimum of 51 percent corn and is aged in new barrels. The traditional mashbill (i.e., recipe) is approximately 75 percent corn, 15 percent rye, and 10 percent barley, but in wheated bourbons like Maker's Mark, the rye is substituted with wheat to further soften the flavor.

Tennessee Whiskey

This is essentially bourbon with one extra step in its production: After distillation, it's filtered, very slowly, through ten feet of sugar-maple charcoal—what's known as the Lincoln County Process. Smooth with a sweet finish, this easy-drinking spirit is the reason Jack Daniel's is the world's best-selling whiskey.

Rye

Bitter and peppery—think rye bread versus corn bread—rye packs a flavorful punch and used to be the American whiskey. European immigrants found that it was easier to grow rye here than barley (the main ingredient in scotch). So why isn't it more common? After Prohibition, drinkers developed a taste for the milder-tasting bourbon. Rye has recently made a big comeback as the whiskey for those in the know.

Corn Whiskey

Not sure how this nonmatured whiskey tastes? Its nicknames include moonshine, ruckus juice, and mule kick. Clear and strong as gasoline, this stuff is more fun to drink if you tell this story: When a whiskey tax was imposed in 1791, disgruntled distillers migrated to corn-rich regions, where they began production.

Microdistilled

Microdistillers often experiment outside the legal defintions of the whiskeys above, producing everything from re-creations of American whiskeys from the eighteenth century (Anchor) to a blend of Georgia peach juice with bourbon mash (Leopold Bros.). Whether that's your thing or not, you have to appreciate that the renegade, innovative spirit that made American whiskey what it is today is still brewing.

Drinks

Ace of Clubs

Ingredients

• 2 ounces golden rum
• 1/2 ounce white creme de cacao
• 1/2 ounce lime juice
• 1/2 teaspoon simple syrup

Instructions

Shake ingredients well with cracked ice, then strain into a chilled cocktail glass. The original recipe calls for a full ounce of crème de cacao. No. The careful dripping of four drops (not dashes) of Angostura bitters on top of the drink, while not essential, will add a special something not to be sneezed at. Also, try to use Barbados rum, if you have it.

Atomic Cocktail

Ingredients

• 1 1/2 ounces vodka
• 1 1/2 ounces brandy
• 1 teaspoon sherry
• 1 1/2 ounces Brut champagne

Instructions

Stir the vodka, brandy,* and sherry** well with cracked ice, then strain into a chilled cocktail glass and add 1 1/2 to 2 ounces cold brut champagne. Garnish with plastic three-eyed fish from Simpsons playset. Note: If you use the sweeter Spanish brandy, opt for the drier Amontillado sherry. Conversely, if you use the (dry) cognac, choose the (sweet) Oloroso. We strive for balance in all things.

* French (preferably a decent cognac) or Spanish.

** Amontillado or Oloroso.

American Whiskey & Canadian Whisky

Ingredients

• 1 bottle whisk(e)y

Instructions

Pour in glass with or without ice. Drink.

Asylum Cocktail

Ingredients

• 1 dash grenadine
• 1 ounce Pernod
• 1 ounce London dry gin

Instructions

Pour slowly, in this order -- grenadine, Pernod, gin -- into an Old-Fashioned glass. Add 2 or 3 ice cubes; serve with stirring rod. Best to let the ice melt a bit before stirring so you can watch the pretty pictures the Pernod makes as it clouds up.

Brandy Daisy

Ingredients

• 1 1/2 ounces brandy
• 1 1/2 ounces Benedictine
• 1 1/2 ounces Cointreau
• 4-6 ounces Brut champagne

Instructions

Combine the brandy,* Bénédictine, and Cointreau in an Old-Fashioned glass. Top off with room-temperature brut champagne. That's the original formula. We found it much, much improved by cutting the liquor back to a still-hefty 1 ounce of each and -- this is key -- stirring them together briskly with cracked ice before straining them into a chilled glass. The champagne should be cold, too -- about 3-4 ounces will do. In either case, if you're going to drink more than two of these, make sure your helmet is on; you'll need it.

* We doubt the Nazis would've stockpiled anything less than a VSOP cognac, but we're willing to gear down to a younger, cheaper VS cognac -- no farther, though, for the sake of authenticity.

Aviation

Ingredients

• 2 ounces London dry gin
• 2 teaspoons Maraschino
• 3/4 ounce lemon juice

Instructions

Shake the gin, the Maraschino,* and the fresh-squeezed lemon juice** well with cracked ice, then strain into a chilled cocktail glass and serve ungarnished.

* The colorless bitter-cherry liqueur, not the juice from the celluloidic drink-garnish.

** Strained through a fine mesh, if possible.

Black Velvet

Ingredients

• Guinness stout
• Brut champagne

Instructions

Half-fill a Collins glass with stout and top up slowly with champagne. Stir gently with glass or plastic rod

Brainstorm

Ingredients

• 2 ounces Irish whiskey
• 1/2 tablespoon French vermouth
• 1/2 tablespoon Benedictine

Instructions

Shake the whiskey,* vermouth, and Bénédictine well with cracked ice, then strain into a chilled cocktail glass and garnish with twist of orange peel.

If you're sipping one of these after dinner, build it on the rocks (it'll stay cold longer). Just pour the ingredients into an Old-Fashioned glass, add a couple ice cubes, and give it a stir. Even better, turn it into a so-called "mist" by shaking everything together and pouring the mixture over a glass packed with crushed ice; serve with two short straws.

* In our 1956 Drink Book we print a version with rye whiskey; that works, too.

Brandy Julep

Ingredients

• 2 teaspoons superfine sugar
• 1 ounce water
• 5 to 6 sprigs mint
• 3 ounces cognac
• 1/2 tablespoon dark rum

Instructions

In a chilled silver julep cup or highball glass, dissolve the sugar in the cold water. Add 3 mint sprigs and gently crush them against the sides of the glass. Remove them, fill the glass with shaved or finely crushed ice, and pour in the cognac. (Use the good stuff.) Add more ice and stir vigorously, trying not to touch the outside of the glass with your hands, until the glass frosts. Float the rum on top (a Bermudan or Jamaican one will work fine), insert 2 or 3 sprigs of fresh mint, and serve.

For a Georgia Julep, cut the sugar in half, use 2 ounces cognac, and add 1 ounce peach brandy.*

* Most domestic peach brandies are sticky to a fault; if possible, use an imported peach eau-de-vie; the 100-proof Southern Comfort will also yield excellent results, even though it's got a bourbon (i.e., whiskey) base (steer clear of the 80-proof, though).

The 12 Styles of American Man: Which One Are You?

The 12 Styles of American Man: Which One Are You?

Also Known As: The master of the universe, the big swinging dick, the man.

Dress code: Power suits, seven-fold ties, black cap-toe oxfords. First known sighting: Drexel Burnham Lambert, 1984. Recent sighting:Testifying before Congress. Hall of Famers: Michael Milken, Gordon Gekko, Jack Donaghy. Signature accessory: Deborah, his longtime personal assistant. Bragging rights: Record profits in 2009. Cause for stress:Barney F–king Frank. Pickup line: “We’ve got ten minutes until Asia opens.”Favorite book: Atlas Shrugged. On his iPod: Radiohead. In his driveway: Cadillac Escalade (with driver). In his closet: Double-breasted wool suit ($7,495), cotton shirt ($595), and silk tie ($215) by Brioni; silk pocket square ($90) by Ermenegildo Zegna; stainless-steel Serena garbo Gent watch ($4,850) by Bertolucci.

The Wasp

Also Known As: The collegiate, the preppy guy, the man in the go-to-hell pants.

Dress code: Double-breasted blazers, pressed trousers, bucks. First known sighting: White Anglo-Saxon Protestants in 1920s Harvard Yard.Recent sighting: Non-Wasps everywhere. (The name stuck.) Hall of Famers:William F. Buckley Jr., Alex P. Keaton, André Benjamin. Signature accessory: Repp ties. Bragging rights: Killer squash game. Cause for stress: Grass stains.Pickup line: “Your collar looks like it could use some popping.” On his iPod: Vampire Weekend. In his driveway: BMW 7-Series. In his closet: Double-breasted wool-and-cashmere blazer ($3,995) and cotton shirt ($425) by Ralph Lauren Purple Label; silk tie ($250) by Cesare Attolini; cotton trousers ($250) by Burberry; leather shoes ($198) by Cole Haan.

The Professional

Also Known As: The company man, the shark.

Dress code: Lightweight suits, slim-fit shirts, dark neckties. First known sighting: The Man in the Gray Flannel Suit, 1956. Recent sighting: Up in the Air,2009. Signature accessory: BlackBerry. Bragging rights: Got a bonus last year. Cause for stress: The size of that bonus. Favorite book:The 48 Laws of Power. On his iPod: Jay-Z. In his driveway: Audi A6.In his closet: One-button wool-silk-and-linen blazer ($1,895), cotton shirt ($395), and wool trousers ($325) by Armani Collezioni; silk tie ($180) by Giorgio Armani; leather shoes ($760) by Church’s.

The Workman

Also Known As: The blue-collar guy, Joe Six-Pack.

Dress code: Canvas or wool jackets, denim jeans, work boots. First known sighting: The Industrial Revolution. Recent sighting: Steel mills in Pittsburgh, artists’ studios in Brooklyn. Hall of Famers: Jackson Pollock, Jack Kerouac, Jean-Michel Basquiat. Signature accessory: Rips and/or paint splashes. Bragging rights: Earned every one of those rips and paint splashes. Pickup line: “Would you like to feel my calluses?” Favorite book:The Grapes of Wrath. On his iPod: Johnny Cash. In his driveway: Vintage Ford pickup. In his closet: Two-button cotton blazer ($1,500) by Etro; cotton jacket ($425) by Woolrich Woolen Mills; cotton shirt ($98) and cotton T-shirt ($27) by J. Crew; cotton jeans ($98) by Levi’s.

The Italiano

Also Known As: The sprezzatura man, the American who looks vaguely European.

Dress code: Soft-shouldered tailoring, colorful accessories, driving shoes. First known sighting:Naples, Italy, early twentieth century. Recent sighting: Corner table at Cipriani. Signature accessory: Billowing pocket square. Bragging rights: Headed to South Africa for the World Cup.Cause for stress: Not really sure how soccer works.Hobby: Practicing his rolling r’s. Pickup line: “Can I buy you a drrrrrrink?” On his iPod: David Bowie. In his driveway: Vespa scooter. In his closet: Two-button cotton blazer ($795) by Prada; cotton shirt ($395) by Ermenegildo Zegna; silk tie ($205) by Ermenegildo Zegna Couture; silk pocket square ($75) by Robert Talbott; cotton-and-linen trousers ($395) by Loro Piana; suede moccasins ($350) by Fratelli Rossetti; leather belt ($275) by Giorgio Armani; titanium Thoroughbred Belmont chronograph ($5,400) by David Yurman; comb by Mason Pearson.

The Woodsman

Also Known As: The hunter, the outdoorsman.

Dress code: Waxed-cotton jackets, corduroy pants, all manner of tweed. First known sighting: English hunting lodges, 1920s. Recent sighting: In line for a Wes Anderson movie. Hall of Famers: The British Royals, Ted Turner, Peter Beard. Hobbies: Hunting, shooting, fishing. Signature accessory: Dangerous weapon. Bragging rights: Once hooked a fish the size of Wichita. Cause for stress: Had to cut it loose. Favorite book: Hemingway on Hunting. On his iPod: Lynyrd Skynyrd. In his driveway: Land Rover Defender. In his closet: Waxed-cotton jacket ($379) by Barbour; linen-and-cashmere vest ($185), Polo by Ralph Lauren; cotton shirt ($465) by Paul Smith; silk tie ($175) by Ralph Lauren Purple Label; cotton corduroy trousers ($100) by Save Khaki; canvas-and-leather belt ($58) by Cole Haan

The Sportsman

Also Known As: The jock, the running man.

Dress code: Technical sportswear mixed with jeans and T-shirts. First known sighting: Northeastern prep schools, 1960s. Recent sighting: The express line at Whole Foods. Hall of Famers: JFK Jr., Lance Armstrong, Tom Brady. Signature accessory: Sigg bottle. Bragging rights: Training for marathon number seven. Cause for stress: Trick knee.Pickup line:“Didn’t we meet at the Ironman last year?” Favorite book: The Call of the Wild. On his iPod: Phish. In his driveway: 1973 Ford Bronco.In his closet: Nylon jacket ($695) by Burberry; nylon vest ($450) by Moncler; cotton sweater ($245) by Stone Island; cotton jeans ($165) by J Brand; steel-and-PVD 007 watch ($880) by Red8World; Cordura backpack ($225) by Jack Spade; carabiners by Omega Pacific; water bottles by Sigg.

The Rake

Also Known As: The playboy, the ladies’ man.

Dress code: Tailored blazers, dress shirts (top three buttons undone), big watches. First known sighting: Las Vegas, 1960s. Recent sighting: The after-after-after party. Hall of Famers: Robert Evans, Joe Namath, Tom Ford. Signature accessory: Chest hair. Bragging rights: Bitchin’ apartment. Cause for stress: Psycho ex-girlfriend.Pickup line: “Hello there.” Favorite book: The Complete Kama Sutra. On his iPod: MGMT. In his driveway: Jaguar XJ8. In his closet: Two-button mohair-silk-and-cotton jacket ($3,400), cotton shirt ($495), and silk pocket square ($140) by Tom Ford; cotton jeans ($1,450) by Dolce & Gabbana; leather belt ($995) by Brunello Cucinelli; white-gold Big Pilot watch ($26,500) by IWC; bracelets, from left, ($225) by Tod’s, ($375) by Luis Morais, ($125) Giles & Brother by Philip Crangi; gold cuff links ($3,650) by David Yurman.

The Minimalist

Also Known As: The Puritan, the man who never wears color.

Dress code: Gray or black suits, white shirts, basic ties. First known sighting: Plymouth Rock, 1620.Recent sighting: Mad Men, Sundays at 10 (9 Central). Hall of Famers: Mies van der Rohe, Malcolm X, the Reservoir Dogs. Signature accessory: N/A. Pickup line: “You’re wearing my favorite shade of black.” Favorite book: The Big Sleep. On his iPod:Explosions in the Sky. In his driveway: Lexus LS Hybrid. In black, obviously. In his closet: One-button wool suit ($1,295) and cotton shirt ($275) by Calvin Klein Collection; silk tie ($125) by Hugo Boss; leather shoes ($530) by Prada.

The Trad

Also Known As: The New Englander, the professor.

Dress code: Tweed blazers, button-down oxford-cloth shirts, rumpled khaki chinos. First known sighting: The original J. Press shop in New Haven, Connecticut, 1902. Recent sighting: Hipster coffee shop near you. Hall of Famers: Miles Davis, George Plimpton, John Updike. Signature accessory: Knit tie. Bragging rights: Wearing the same pair of khakis for fifteen years. Cause for stress: Hole in the crotch of said khakis. Pickup line: “I like your cardigan.” Favorite book: The Stories of John Cheever. On his iPod: Talking Heads. In his driveway: 1983 Mercedes Benz S-Series. In his closet: Three-button wool herringbone blazer ($265) by J. Crew; cotton shirt ($30) by L.L. Bean; cotton tie ($95) by Gant; cotton trousers ($98) by Dockers; leather belt ($45) by J. Press; leather loafers ($495) by Prada; glasses ($405) by Tom Ford.

The Rocker

Also Known As: The friend of the band.

Dress code: Leather mixed with denim and tailoring. First known sighting: The Sunset Strip, early 1960s. Recent sighting: The VIP area at Bonnaroo. Hall of Famers: Jim Morrison, Lou Reed, Johnny Depp. Signature accessory: Sunglasses.Cause for stress: Receding hairline. Pickup line:“Want to go backstage?” Favorite book: Psychotic Reactions and Carburetor Dung. On his iPod:“Which one? I’ve got twelve.” In his driveway:1969 Ford Mustang. In his closet: Leather jacket ($2,920) by Dior Homme; cotton-and-linen vest ($498) by John Varvatos; cotton shirt ($165) by John Varvatos Star USA; cotton jeans ($189) by 7 for All Mankind.

The Roller

Also Known As: The man of leisure, the easy rider.

Dress code: Unstructured blazers, cashmere sweaters, white jeans. First known sighting: The French Riviera, early 1920s. Recent sighting: The San Diego Yacht Club. Hall of Famers: Errol Flynn, Richard Branson, Lapo Elkann. Signature accessory: Beaded bracelet. Bragging rights:Hasn’t sat at a desk since the late eighties. Pickup line: “I’m free all day tomorrow. And the next day. How about you?” Favorite book: A Moveable Feast.On his iPod: James Brown. In his driveway: 1957 Porsche Speedster. (Google it.) In his closet: Three-button linen blazer ($2,295), cashmere polo ($1,320), and suede boots ($745) by Brunello Cucinelli; cotton T-shirt ($98) by John Varvatos Star USA; cashmere sweater ($695) by Loro Piana; cotton jeans ($70) by DKNY Jeans; bracelet ($70) by Miracle Icons; stainless-steel Thoroughbred Belmont chronograph ($4,050) and bead necklace ($350) by David Yurman.

All about food!

The Best Pizzas in America

Who makes the best pizza on earth? That is the eternal question, the one that must be answered. Because: Round or square, flat or stuffed, thick crust or thin, slathered in pork products or simply covered in cheese, pizza just might be the most perfect food ever invented

(CHICAGO)
1. Great Lake
Mortadella pie

[Nick Lessins's] cheese pie, prepared with fresh mozzarella made in-house, grated Wisconsin sheep’s-and-cow’s-milk cheese, and aromatic fresh marjoram instead of basil, was slightly shy of unbelievable. The next day I returned to try the same pie topped with fresh garlic and mortadella, the dirigible-sized Italian sausage that looks like bologna, tastes like salami, and is usually cut into chunks. He sliced the meat very thin and laid slices of it over the pie the moment it came out of the oven. The mortadella, with its combination of burliness and creaminess, was a meaty addition to the earthy, bready crust. This pie—creative, original, and somewhat local—represents everything irresistible about the new American style of pizza-making.

(BROOKLYN)
2. Lucali
Plain pie

Lucali, around since 2006, is an old candy store done up to look like an old pizzeria, and there’s an eerie glow about it. I’m not getting spiritual. There really is. Owner and pizzamaker Mark Iacono stands behind a candlelit counter, wearing a white T-shirt, looking mysterious and troubled, our first poster-boypizzaiolo. I picked the simplest of his creations, in essence a Margherita, although there’s no menu and none of the pies have names. When I asked what to call it, I was told “plain pie.” It has tomato, mozzarella, fresh basil, buffalo mozzarella, and a sprinkling of grated Parmigiano-Reggiano cheese, enormously satisfying for a pie so simple. The crust stands firm. The mozzarella melts exquisitely. The basil is wildly fresh. Should you need additional toppings, go for thinly shaved porcini mushrooms, so good I was tempted to put a second Lucali pie on my list.

(PHOENIX)

3. Pizzeria Bianco
Margherita with prosciutto

…Waiting outside is like a big communal party, and had I not become chummy with one regular, I would never have ordered a Margherita pie topped with prosciutto. This fellow had three of them on his table, and he said it was all he ate. Chris Bianco’s fabled Margherita has a smoky and slightly scorched crust, too delicate to handle most toppings, but the uncommonly subtle, tender, and porky Italian prosciutto was a superlative option. Prosciutto is usually not one of my preferred toppings, because it’s often tough, but here it was icing on the crust.

(PROVIDENCE)
4. Bob & Timmy's
Spinach-and-mushroom pizza

The menu is vast, but I stuck to simple variations, and every one was expertly prepared. The pies came in standard grilled-pizza format, irregularly round but cut into squares. The crust appeared too skinny to be interesting, but it seemed about the best flatbread I’d ever eaten. The vegetable toppings were remarkably fresh, and it occurred to me that freshness is something we rarely think about when contemplating what pizza we admire. The pie I loved most had three cheeses, the dominant one being feta, which adds tang and saltiness. Now I understand what every Greek must already know: Feta, spinach, and mushrooms are an astonishingly compatible combination.

(NEW HAVEN, CONN.)
5. Sally's Apizza
White pie with potato

Sally’s is ancient, in an old Appalachian way. I can’t believe the men’s bathroom has been cleaned since 1938, when the pizzeria opened for business. Service was equally dismal. The customers weren’t impressive, either, especially the lady in the booth across from mine, fast asleep. Out of this agonizing ambience appeared a pie of incredible finesse, a tour de force, a white (no tomato sauce) pizza prepared with thinly sliced potatoes cooked to an artful golden brown, a scattering of equally faultless onions, and a masterful touch of rosemary, all perfectly complemented by Sally’s crust, a bit denser, chewier, and thinner than the one up the block at the equally fabled Pepe’s. By the way, I bet Sinatra got great service when he ate here.

(LOS ANGELES)

6. Tomato pie
The Grandma

The pizza is old New York. The mood is old L.A. On this day, a friend and I were seated indoors, in a tiny room entirely devoid of comforts, admiring crusts that I thought were the best in the city. Then I bit into a slice of the Grandma—a traditional and gorgeously assembled pizza with crushed tomatoes, fresh garlic, and a scattering of mozzarella, basil, oregano, and Pecorino Romano—I’m a sucker for Romano cheese. My friend and I simultaneously looked up and said, “This is great.” Indeed it was, the ingredients fresher than most, the crust unusually soft and tender, with a crisp bottom and a fluffy, nutty center. We shared a slice with a young mom named Katie, who insisted the pizza was better a few blocks away. Note to Katie: Your favorite pizza is no good.

(NEW YORK CITY)
7. Co.
Margherita

The Margherita here has buffalo-milk mozzarella, but the cheese is applied so expertly and melts so perfectly that the center of the pie doesn’t become a watery mess. All of us in New York who thought owner Jim Lahey knew only about bread now know otherwise. His Margherita, modest in size at a mere eleven inches in diameter, is so delicate that you will be inclined to finish the whole thing and immediately ask for another. I asked the waiter why the leafy basil had been blasted into a shriveled green blob, rather than being tossed on fresh immediately before serving, and was told that Lahey preferred cooked basil. In fact, customers can have it either way, so I recommend eating one of each.

(PORT CHESTER, NY)
8. Tarry Lodge
Clam pie

The clam pie, legendary in New Haven, is an oddity that seldom succeeds, since clams taken out of their shells and cooked atop a pizza invariably turn into rubbery bits. At Tarry Lodge, an Italian restaurant run by Mario Batali, something profoundly simple and fundamentally correct is done: The clams remain in their shells. On my visit they were Manila clams, delicate and sweet, briny and fresh, tiny beauties accented by the garlic, oregano, red pepper, and Parmigiano-Reggiano atop a thin, nicely charred crust. You have to work to remove the clams from their shells, but compared with everything else required to access great pizza these days, that isn’t much effort.

(DETROIT)
9. Buddy's
Cheese pizza

Buddy’s pizza crust is one of the best in America, although it’s unlikely you knew it was in the running for the championship. That’s because Buddy’s, as much a bar and sandwich shop as it is a pizzeria, specializes in Detroit-style square pizza, almost unknown outside the city. The interior slices on a Buddy’s pizza are light, slightly crunchy, and extremely satisfying, but the goal in any Detroit experience is those slices at the four corners of the pan, where maximum blackening occurs. If you love the burnt ends on pork ribs, Buddy’s isn’t to be missed.

(SAN FRANCISCO)
10. A16
Romana pie

The crust is Neapolitan-style, well prepared, which means soft, soothing, and a little spongy, with pleasing burned spots. The sauce contains anchovies, which I absolutely can’t abide whole, although I appreciate them as well as the next open-minded fellow when they’re chopped up as a flavor element. That’s what’s done here, as it is so often in Southern Italy. I had another fright: Plopped on top of the pie were whole olives, but in this case French Niçoise olives, which are not aggressive enough to scare me away. In Naples such a pie is known as pizza romana, whereas in Rome it’s a pizza napoletana. Before I’d tried A16’s spicy, bold, exuberant version, I would have guessed that each city wanted to blame this pie on somebody else.

(PROVIDENCE)
11. Al Forno
Grilled pizza with roasted eggplant

Al Forno’s grilled pizzas are more than legends; they’re beauties. Our roasted-eggplant pie consisted of creatively arranged toppings on a flat and irregularly shaped crust, perhaps unintentionally resembling an artist’s palette. The pie was assembled with two cheeses, mild and creamy Bel Paese plus sharp and salty Pecorino Romano; dabs of impossibly delicious tomato sauce intensely flavored with eggplant; flecks of parsley for color; and shreds of mild, bright scallions that added a feathery texture.

(FARMINGTON HILLS, MICH.)
12. Tomatoes Apizza
Pepperoni pie

Here you’ll find a coal-fired oven big enough to barbecue a cow, and here I found the purest expression of pepperoni pizza as I love it. Forgive me if you prefer your pepperoni thick (I don’t) or soft (I don’t) or covered by cheese and sauce—as is traditional in Detroit, but thankfully not at Tomatoes Apizza. The non-Sicilian crust was soft, slightly charred, and entirely appealing, the tomato sauce and cheese more than satisfactory. All was swell, but the precise pepperoni preparation was most appealing. There was lots of it, sliced thin, sprinkled with Parmigiano-Reggiano, and allowed to curl and crisp up in the oven.